Log in


Recent Entries · Archive · Friends · Profile

* * *
The Vapor Trail
Random Brutal Love Master (RBLMm)

Here today, gone today. You are The Vapor Trail. Are you in a relationship now?

Your exact opposite:
The Backrubber

Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer
What about now?

Vapor Trails can be highly charismatic people--unpredictable, confident, and magnetic. You're experienced. You know how to handle yourself in a relationship, and many people appreciate that. Many people, all in a row.

You've had your share of blissful beginnings, to be sure. But things almost never turn out how you'd like, do they? The problem is you're never happy with someone for an extended period of time. Relate to the following:

Vapor Trails especially need a girl who will laugh at their jokes. They're also the most likely male type to be haunted by serious regret.

FACT: A few of your exes, the ones you were best to, will always love you. Nice going.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Intern, The Maid of Honor

CONSIDER: The Sudden Departure

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: traeyth
* * *
i dont believe in astrology. just wanted to state that clearly first. however i am a firm believe in environment playing a large factor (though not completely) in the development of personality. when you include the season in environment (which it should be) that makes the sun and moon play a role in the development of personality. so no, i dont believe the planet jupiter or neptune have any bearing whatsoever on how we turn out or act, but larger and more influential celestial bodies do. i may extropolate on this later.

astrology only works because its general... if you look forenough similarities between people, youll find them.

however. (always a however)
i do find that limiting your options as far as symbology sometimes allows you to focuse your thoughts more. the metaphors and ideas come more quickly when you limit your thoughts to one outlet. thus i have always found increasing metaphors in myself to my zodiac, sagattarius. the half man half beast centaur. i find more lately (meaning the last few years) having to do with the duality of it. im sure everyone has a divension of personality... or a few. but i think most people's differing personalities are somewhat similar. being incased in the same head they would have to be, or be considered legally insane, and thats a hard one to hide. i have two dominant personalities, which vary enough that ive asked myself if i was insane before, after looking at it for awhile. (i decided since i was looking at both of them, i obviously wasnt, in that way anyways). the beast is fire. this is my passion. my caring. my emotion and intuition. all of these are strong, but only when this form of my personality is in control. i am more positive, less concerned... more traditionally sagattarius in fact. this is where most of the things people do in fact like about me come from. this is my happiness. this is my neediness. i want people to like me more, i am concerned with how they perceive me, even though this is my more positive side, my more liked side, it is more shy and withdrawn. for all the classic reasons. the beast is positive. the man... is not. man is cold. this is my intellect. this is my anger. this is my lack of caring. this is my nihilism. i am actively more intelligent, my thought processes quicker, i am more in control of myself this way. i am more in control of my surroundings (by extension) this way. i am less withdrawn because i dont care, about anything, much less what anyone thinks. i am more congizent of many things, but dont care enough to bother. this is more destructive. i am more creative, but create less. man is all my negativity. man has brought me through a lot. man cannot let go. the beast is my sex drive, but gets it less. im so fucking broken, and understanding any of this does not help. man is how i deal with all negative emotional crap: by not caring, by simply removing its impact on my psyche. this never works, the beast simply holds onto it for later.

i could go on.

man has returned. i am back to what i was before. my anger has returned. it is controlled. this was the point.
Current Mood:
Current Music:
My Ruin - Made to Measure
* * *
oohh... ive been considering having pharmaceuticals just shipped to me, so ive been somewhat looking around at those companies that will ship things to the US. most of the time its rather cost prohibitiev, and i can get it cheaper from local sources. but i dont seem to have any local sources anymore.

i also never bothered to look into the so called "smart drugs". never needed them and i dont think the increase in fully concious indiviudals would be all that noticable. but i was bored, so i was looking one up a bit. piracetam in particular. its cheap. i could try out a new catagory of drug. and it increases the effects of 1) alcohol, 2) psychotropics, and 3) ampetamines. three of my favorites. and if im going to all the trouble, i can get a handleful of several things, just for good measure. but considering this piracetam is like 50 cents a pop, i can definetely try it. 50 cents each... 200 minimum order... thats a lot of trial. but hell, even if it just reduces my bar tabs its well worth it. experiments to follow at some point in the next few months. (blah on shipping times)
Current Music:
Billy Idol - Heroin
* * *
the best years of my life are behind me now.

i have to come to terms with that.

this is not anything of a surprise.

Current Mood:
* * *

LJ Interests meme results

  1. astral projection:
    when i was a kid, and all things were new and exciting, i didnt understand that i was doing this, instead of sleeping. since then, or basically from the time i discovered this is what i was doing, ive stopped. i was never something i controlled, and now i cant seem to get the right mindset for it. or not so much. but i am still interested, if just to understand what and why i was doing this for so long.
  2. cyberpunks:
    my favorite form of prophecy, and the one i see closest to becoming reality. the authors in this genre were/are truly visionary.
  3. ecstasy:
    one of my favorite substances. need i say more? ive introduced a lot of people to this substance, many of which were afraid to do it otherwise; all of them found it to be an enjoyable and fulfilling experience. highly recommended. :)

    as always: know what you are putting into yourself. www.erowid.com www.ecstasy.org
  4. hrielith:
    an interesting MUD i was part of. the creator was/is insane. it also refuses to die.
  5. lightning:
    lightning is beautiful. and powerful... i love to watch strong storms come through, though im usually working. a good storm will bring the same feelings that a good fire will. both are powerful stimulants for me.
  6. nature:
    i really do prefer to be outdoors then in... regardless of how little time i spend outside. i just cant stand being outside in the city... and spending too much time in nature means too much time alone. i need some company, not much, but some.
  7. physics:
    physics have always interested me. i usually look at theoretical physics, as those are even more interesting, and rely far less on obscure mathmatical equations. i believe my research when i was younger into physics was a huge factor into the very way that i think today. physics and philosophy go hand in hand... and i dont understand why other people dont see that.
  8. rock climbing:
    this is my alone time. there is nothing but you, and that wall. i dont spend enough time doing this.
  9. the-fine-art-of-becoming-god:
    the basis of my entire philosophy. every human has this potential, realizing this and coming to it are the goals. my path is my own, each has their own; but those that refuse the path... i cannot even consider human.

    the requirement of godhood is creation. create yourself. create your environment. create your future.

    responsibility, understanding, and control are the three pillars of the path. none can happen without the others.
  10. you:
    once i figured out that you arent like me, i became fascinated...

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.

* * *
* * *
so im sick.

i should have expected this; its the first time ive been in a weather change for the colder in almost two years. i rarely get sick, but when i do its hard-core, and almost always around this time (excepting those annual bouts with pneumonia i was having for a few years every january). i should have seen it coming, but i didnt. the weather change caught me by surprise too. it was like 90 one day, and chilly the next. but im glad to be back in an area that actually has seasons regardless. i cant wait for the snow!

but as i got sick on my day off (yesterday), and did nothing about figuring it would go away by today, i had to call out of work today. i hate doing that. ill hate it even more if i have to call out tomorrow or the next day, but the way this is going i may have to. i havent been seriously ill in years, im about due for it. i just went out and sent way overboard on cold/flu remedies, dropped about 30 bucks. one of which was a homeopathic drug called oscillococcinum. its apparently popular in france. no idea if itll do anything, but i figured what the hell. so i get home and open it, ready to pop a pill... the shit comes in vial form. a little vial, basically of what is inside a gelcap pill normally. looking at that i thought it would taste horrible. whatever, i just spent almost ten bucks on it, so ill try it. have to let it dissolve in your mouth too. it tastes like sugar! im sure it is in fact sugar... but im also hoping that is merely masking whatever else its supposed to be, and not just some psychocomatic placebo drug.

so i got that, a whole bunch of vitamin C w/ something or another, a thing of OJ with added vitamins, some theraflu, cough drops, and some stuff for tea. lets get this over with already. i dont normally take medicine... so i figure if im gonna, ill go all out. shoulda gotten a pack of menthol smokes too.
Current Mood:
sick sick
* * *
so im considering spending some time overseas...

this would be a rather more truly planned out things, as opposed to my standard "dive in head first" approach. it would have to be, because while i am perfectly confident in my abilities to survive in america, another country is a completely different story. most people in my situation would be considering merely taking a vacation, but i cant content myself with a week.

maybe ill do the backpacking across europe thing.

the only thing that makes me kinda want to put it off... is the boat. im not sure how possible it would be to take a sailboat across the atlantic however. but if i could do that, it would be ideal. im thinking that if i skirted the coast north towards iceland, it should nt be that hard. id just be looking at the jump from iceland to norway then.

im still working with that $20k number i came up with before, but everytime i look around a bit its more like this: http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/sailboat-Buccaneer-305-with-lots-of-goodies_W0QQcmdZViewItemQQcategoryZ63731QQitemZ4576327822QQrdZ1QQsspagenameZWDVW . yeah, its ebay. buyer beware and all that. working with that $20k, if i bought something for $5k, and had to spend $10k fixing it, id still save $5k. $5k can go a long way.

im still really excited about this idea. no need for a car/gas. no traditional bills (would still have other bills). no rent. no car payment. none of any of it. the freedom to move as i please and still have a home. hell, the ability to have somewhere i could call "home". and to even own my home. all while im still in my 20's.

i think im gonna have to look at that plan i made for savings though. what i proposed was definetely possible... but not likely. i want a realistic figure. once i have that i can really work towards getting it done. wit hthe job i have now, i should have a decent amount of spare cash.

however i also need a few other things, and need them soon. so well see. i should prolly change the deadline up to three years... and as im almost through the first year, maybe even 4. at this point i was supposed to already have like 6 grand put aside for the boat. to bad life got in the way, so i have none. but in the little ive worked since moving back to DC, ive already begun fixing that. by the end of the year i may be able to have 15-20% of it. last month alone i put aside like a grand, after paying rent, random bills, buying unneccessary things (like a $200 computer that im not using), and drinking/going out. this month has been horrible, but im being told its like that everywhere in the city, and itll get better next month. but i still need a new figure. ill work on it tonight at work (not like ill be doing much else while there). theres a lot of other things i need to put cash towards, so i dunno what this figure will look like at all.

crap, forgot to post.
* * *
i keep intending on writing something... but get distracted reading something else.

the internet is a horrible distraction, but its all so interesting. theres always something else to read. my favorites list is clogged with links i intend to go back to and continue reading.

and now, its time to go to work.

im off tomorrow, i have a ton of shit to do. of course im only likely to get half of it done.

* * *
i got this horrible sense of impending doom at about 7:00 pm today.

i have yet to figure out what went wrong.

* * *
ive been intending a comeback to livejournal for a while. since i returned to the internet in fact. i contemplated creating a new jounral, but decided against it, for no real reason. i want to say ill actually be posting again... but a quick review of my past 45 or so posts ive said that about 5 times in the last 2 years or whatever (all numbers and tiumeframes are guessed at, i dont care enough about accuracy in this case to check). so if i stay true to form... this wont last long.

things have been interesting. not sure where i left this thing off, and im not checking (this starting over thing being the main reason i wanted to create another LJ). i think it possible that i left off in SC... in which case ive been through 3 distinct living situations. the current one seems stable enough, but has cropped up with unexpected problems. im still working in restaurants, and hating every minute of it. and i still have no idea what i could possibly do that pays as well and i could stand (or *gasp* enjoy). i have been extremely creative, but horrible unproductive. im working way too much to even be productive on the neccessities (it now takes me about 2 weeks to find time just to make a damn phone call). this didnt bother me so much last month, as i was making money enough to make up for it temporarily. this month, its fucking dead, and half the staff quite. so im working horrible overtime, for little money, and watching the managers scramble to screw over my "paycheck" *laugh* and save their hours.

over the last year or so my tastes in just about everything have grown so estoric that i cant find much of anything to buy. this has always been a problem, but not to this extent. i suppose it works out better though, as it means i have to buy things online and have them shipped to me, which i can do on my own schedule. i was gonna say "my own timeframe", but my own time frame seems to have completely dissassociated itself with reality. im still pretty good about what time it is and what day... but the time between point a and point b has completely lost meaning. i have absolutely no sleep schedule as a result of this. and it actually has some effect on me. before i very strictly monitored time, both what i spent sleping and what awake, the ratio between the two, and all sorts of other things of that nature. this is how i was able to control my sleep habits and reduce them as much as i did.

now im just cracked out 24/7

funny thing keeps happening. i am repeatedly being mistaken as an immigrant. i have no idea why. the funniest part is where people will guess that im from; its never the same place. this has always happened to some extent (and the accent thing? i dont have an accent damnit), but it is a lot more prevelant lately. just today someone asked me if i was a refugee from bosnia (!?!). i swear people are just dumb. i apologize if i do not meet your Aryan image of what an american should look like... but it really does take all types.

oh yeah, havent said so yet, im back in DC. so anyone in the area should contact me to chill. i am in dire need to talk to people that are not customers. it may be required that this take place near a metro and/or at crazy hours. call me, my number is the same.
Current Music:
babalon - waiting
* * *
* * *

Previous · Next